


DEH is really Gay

by MyGoldenEyes



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bi Zoe, Evan has a stutter, F/F, F/M, LGBT+, M/M, Other, all kinda lgbt ocs, bi Heidi, ftm Connor, genderfluid Evan, he has trouble with ts, im projecting my friend group onto them, lesbian Alana, like all of them are queer, queer support group, so this is really gay, texting chapters, they all just support eachother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-15 13:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyGoldenEyes/pseuds/MyGoldenEyes
Summary: So it's been a long time friendos. I'm back with this trash. It's just the kids being supportive. I want them to be happy. I mean they'll still have issues. But also they're all gonna be better than they are in the musical because I am at a good point in my recovery and I don't feel like writing too much angst.





	1. Actually...It's Evan

“No it-t-t’s acttttually Evan.” Evan didn’t know why he said it. He was out to a total of four people. His mother, Jared, and Jared’s mothers. But now he’d just come out to a guy that had shoved him in the hallway that very same day. 

“Oh shit dude are you like trans? I mean you don’t have to share that with me, it’s just that the teacher said Evelyn and like-” Evan cut Connor off as he walked over to retrieve his letter from the printer. He kept his eyes down and avoided eye contact as he spoke.

“Actually I’m genderfluid, um not a lot of people know. I actually don’t know why I’m t-t-telling you- Notttt that I don’t think you’re tt-trustworthy. Actually I don’t really know you at-tt all. I-I’m sorry..” Connor tilted his head at Evan for a second before a smile broke across his face. He carefully lifted his shirt causing Evan to panic monetarily until Connor revealed the edge of a black binder. He dropped the edge of his shirt and held his smile. 

“FTM bro. It’s cool, I’ll keep your secret.” Evan was instantly relieved. While being lgbt didn’t make default Connor to a good person Evan had learned that people who could sympathise better if they’d been through it. “Super sorry about pushing you I kinda lost my temper and I was a little high.” the last part was rushed and mumbled so Evan almost didn’t catch it. 

“It’s fine, I would have pushed me too I shouldn’t-tt-t have laughed.” Connor’s expression darkened and Evan flinched away. 

“We both know you weren’t fucking laughing don’t fucking turn this on yourself I’m trying to be fucking nice!” Evan gulped and apologized. Connor’s expression fell. “Shit man I’m sorry I did it again!” Connor kicked a chair angrily and it fell over. “Fuck!” Connor gripped his foot while exclaiming profanities. Evan stood off to the side awkwardly, unsure of what to do. 

“Are you ok?” Connor gave Evan a look that clearly said ‘do I look fucking ok’ and Evan gave a half smile and a shrug in return. 

After Connor had calmed down he and Evan stood in silence for a moment before he spoke again, “Wanna go out and get some food? We deserve it after this fucking shitty day.” Evan thought about the therapy appointment Jared was supposed to take him to. 

“Sure.” 

***

Evan sat across from Connor at a cafe down the street from their school. Evan hardly left his house and since money was tight he almost never ate out. Even now he only had a water cup and he was nibbling on the half of Connor’s sandwich that had been offered to him by the aforementioned boy. 

“Yeah my parents are really shitty and unsupportive but when perfect little Zoe came out as pan of course they were there for her. They just throw money at me and hope that makes up for deadnaming me and never using my pronouns. That’s why I have this fancy binder and why I’m getting top surgery for christmas and bottom surgery for graduation.” 

Evan glanced at Connor over the top of his water glass he was sipping out of. “I don’t-t-tt know, I think itttt’s super cool you have a binder. I’m kinda jealous. But it sucks that-t-t your parents deadname you. My mom really t-t-t-tries but she’s not around enough for her checking in on my pronouns or name t-t-t-to count for anything, she normally just says ‘by sweetie I won’tttt be back tonight’. I hat-t-te being home alone.”

Connor gave Evan a sad smile and took a huge bite of his sandwich. “This is dry as fuck, how are you eating this I need some damn miracle whip.” Connor looked around to see if there were any stands with condiments while Evan looked at him with disgust. 

“What-t-t-t kind of mons-nst-t-ter eattstss miracle whip?” Connor looked back Evan, very amused. 

“You make it sound like I’m eating it out of the fucking container. I don’t eat spoonfuls of the shit, just a little on a sandwich.” Evan scoffed.   
“Have you ever heard of mayonnaise you heathen?” Connor rolled his eyes. 

“That lard in a jar, I’d rather fucking not bitch.” Evan flinched at the female associated term though he knew Connor meant it jokingly. “Ah- I mean you dick.” Connor scrambled to correct himself at Evan’s reaction. Evan smiled at Connor but gave a motion that meant it was no big deal. 

Connor sat up as if an idea had just struck him, “Yo! wanna come to my house and see if any of my old binders fit you?” 

“I couldn’t-t-t-t thatttt’s so kind of you but-t-t I justttt…” Evan trailed off fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Connor gave Evan an unamused look over his drink and shook his head.   
“It’s my pleasure bro.”


	2. his names evan u dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woops angst

****C_murphy has created a group chat

****PANic, JaredCleanman, LesStudy, and ehansen have been added to the group chat. 

JaredCleanman: Oh??? Worm???? 

PANic: What the fuck is this Connor?

LesStudy: Oh! It’s so nice to have a group chat with all of my close acquaintances! 

PANic: ALANA

LesStudy: Yes?

JaredCleanman: Haha gay

C_murphy: ur one 2 talk kink-man

ehansen: Be nice 

****C_murphy has changed the groupchat name to i’m not social but ehansen needs friends

ehansen: Did you make this groupchat to try and get me friends?

C_murphy: u cant prove anything   
C_murphy: hey zo do you know where i put my binders???? Ev’s gonna come over and try some on, dropped em off but ‘ll be back later

PANic: Why would Evelyn need a binder and when did you two become friends?

C_murphy: his names evan u dick 

PANic: Ooops sorry Evan! I didn’t know you were trans!

JaredCleanman: Yeah...neither did I

LesStudy: I knew 

JaredCleanman: WHy’d you tell Beck but not uR BEST FRIEND!!! Y’d U TELL MURPHY SENIOR????

ehansen: Connor...I wasn’t really out yet

C_murphy: o fuck dude im so fukn srry aw man ifukd up big ™  
C_murphy: if any of u tell a soul i will rip ur spines out  
C_murphy: plz frgiv me ev  
C_murphy: ev??????? ??? ?

****ehansen has left the group chat 

JaredCleanman: Dude what the fuck? You messed up big time   
JaredCleanman: Kid’s got social anxiety   
JaredCleanman: He’s prob havin a panic attack rn

C_murphy: HOW CAN WE HELP

PANic: You dug yourself into this hole. I don’t know him that well. 

LesStudy: Jared, can you go check on him? I would but I’m studying and I’m not the best with panic attacks. I know you know how to calm him down. 

JaredCleanman: Weighted blanket, tea, noise canceling headphones with nature sounds, dark room, s’not that fukin hard 

C_murphy: I will pay you to go help him, there anything i can do????

JaredCleanman: Stay the fuck away from her  
JaredCleanman: *him

****JaredCleanman has left the groupchat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's my attempt at angst. From personal experience, I got outed backstage at a play. Not fun. 's ok though. Things will straighten out.


	3. So Trans, huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is a good friend

Jared was irate. He couldn’t believe Connor outing Evely-Evan like that! Connor was trans, he’d been outed to the school in seventh grade when his then boyfriend had gotten angry after they broke up and spread it around the school, he had to know who bad that felt. Jared felt the hairs on his neck and arms raise as he bristled with anger. He tried to compose himself before he knocked on the Hansen’s door. There was no response, but Jared hadn’t really expected one. He pulled the key out of the lose space between the window pane and the wall. 

The Hansen household was very quiet, it was unnerving. Evan liked to fill the house with sound when his mom was away. It was his way to feel less lonely. But now the only sound was the house settling around Jared. Jared carefully made his way down the hall to Evan’s room, the door was slightly ajar. Jared carefully opened the door the rest of the way and found Evan sitting on the bed, staring blankly into the space in front of him. He was having a panic attack. 

Jared couldn’t begin to comprehend the thoughts that were probably whizzing through Evan’s head at the speed of light. All Jared could do was carefully drape Evan’s blue weighted blanket over his shoulders, slowly nestle his headphones on his head, and go to the kitchen to get Evan some tea. 

While Jared was waiting for the water to boil he decided to check his phone. 

C_murphy: jared, please. Im so sorry   
C_murphy: please is there anything i can do 2 help?

Jared sighed and decided to take pity on Connor, he’d made an honest mistake and he seemed like he really wanted to fix it. 

JaredCleanman: For the record, fuck you dude. But also Evan’s gonna need support right now. You really only told me and Zo since Al already knew. So you gotta make sure Zoe keeps it quiet. Maybe she should just not bring it up till Ev is ready to talk about it. 

C_murphy: r u goin 2 do the same?

JaredCleanman: No, we’re gonna fucking talk about this. I’ve known her since we were kids   
JaredCleanman: *him

Jared looked up as he heard the tea start to screech, reaching a boil. He quickly took it off the stove and turned off the heat. He poured some of it into a cup and got a tea bag of Evan’s favorite Jasmine tea. Ev liked it with a little honey so Jared stirred some in, humming tunelessly. 

When Jared re-entered Evan’s room Evan looked up at him and took his headphones off. The worst of the panic attack must have been over, Evan looked pretty bad. His hair was falling out of the bun it had been in and his eyes were wide, he was shaking and his face was pale. Jared took a seat next to him and placed the cup of tea in Evan’s hands then looked down at his own. Evan faced forward and sipped the tea silently. Neither boy was ready to look the other in the eye. 

“So, trans huh?” Jared finally broke the silence. Evan coughed into his tea and turned his face more away from Jared. 

“Genderfluid,” Evan mumbled this but Jared was used to it and was able to pick up Evan’s words. 

“Cool.” Both of them fell back into a heavy silence. 

Eventually, Evan looked over at Jared, his eyes wide, “That’s all you have to say? You’re not mad at me?” Jared cocked his eyebrow in confusion and indignance. 

“What did you expect bro? I’m fuckin’ gay! I have no room to judge. I mean I’m a little sad that you were too afraid to tell me but I get it bro.” 

Evan chewed on his lip nervously and faced away again, adjusting his blanket.

“Thank you.” 

Jared put his arm around Evan’s shoulder, “No problem bro. You’re gonna keep me updated on your pronouns right, please don’t tell me you’ll make me ask every day.” 

Evan gave a breathy laugh and confirmed that he would keep Jared in the loop. He leaned into his friends side and smiled to himself.


	4. Is that even your car?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve knows she has to face Connor eventually.

It wasn’t quite that Eve was ignoring Connor, she just didn’t know what to say to him after the whole “outing him to his best friend and a total stranger” thing. She knew she would have to face Connor on Monday. On Sunday her mom let her get her hair cut short. She’d never really liked long hair but she was always afraid that short hair would start rumors. But Jared had talked her into it on Saturday after a late night talk on Friday where Eve confessed that it had always been a desire of hers.

 

Monday morning she looked at herself in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, she liked what she saw. Raking her fingers through her hair she offered herself a small burst of confidence. Her smile quickly faded as her phone buzzed and she was reminded that Connor would be waiting for her at school.

C_murphy: evan(is it still evan) im really sorry please meet me before school in the art room on the second floor

ehansen: It’s Evelyn

Eve sighed. She had to face him eventually, it might as well be today.

***

Jared greeted Eve as she slid into the passenger seat of his old ass car. He arched an eyebrow at her and she was confused for a moment before realization struck in her. Jared wanted to know her pronouns. It wasn’t something she wasn’t used to, and it felt good.

“She/her, Evelyn.” Jared nodded and put his hand on the back of Evan’s seat so he could look back as he backed out of the Hansen’s driveway.

“You like the haircut?” Jared broke the relative silence that they had been sitting in for the past few minutes. Eve looked over at him and dared to let a small smile grace her lips. She softly nodded and made a noise of confirmation. Jared mumbled out a ‘good’ and went back to silence.

Eve couldn’t stand the silence so she reached forward and turned on the radio. She fumbled with the dials until Jared slapped her hand away and clicked to one of his pre-set stations. It was a “best of the eighties” channel and Eve despised it. Jared had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face as Eve gave him a look of disgust. To top it off Jared began to sing along at the top of his lungs.

Fortunately, Eve only had to sit through Jared’s renditions of Don’t Stop Believin’, Living on Prayer, and a few Michael Jackson songs before they pulled into Jared’s parking spot. Eve flung herself out of the car to escape the torture. She would have forgotten her backpack if Jared hadn’t chucked it out after her. She flipped him off and closed the door a little harder than she needed to.

The closer Eve got to the school, the more she pulled in on herself. Jared watched as Eve hunched her shoulders and looked down at her feet. It broke his heart to see his friend like that.

“Evelyn!” Eve’s head jerked up at her name and saw Connor Murphy leaning against a truck.

Jared and Eve stopped, “Is that even your truck?” Jared commented irritatedly.

Connor looked back at it for a moment then pushed himself off of it, “Nah.”

Eve didn’t want to look at Connor. She wasn’t upset with him but she couldn’t deal with him apologizing to her, or worse, snapping at her like he’d done that first day. She instinctively mumbled out an apology and instantly tensed up in anticipation of Connor’s anger.

Jared saw Connor’s temper start to simmer. He stepped slightly between the two and Connor caught himself and started to calm down.

“Hansen, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one that should be apologizing.”

Eve looked up at Connor and gave him a shaky smile, “It’s ok, I’m not mad, don’t worry.”

Connor looked relieved, he returned Eve’s smile. Jared looked between the two with an analyzing gaze.


	5. Eve caught the words infetile, pain is treatable, ovarian disorder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan-They/them  
> Eve-She/her(transition mid-chapter will be explained)
> 
> They tried to grip their stomach and felt a painful tenderness. Oh fuck. Evan was the child of a nurse. They knew that that was bad. Cramps didn’t cause pain when pressed on, especially not in the front.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warning: this contains heavy topics such as infertility and ovarian disorders. These are things not often discussed in media and I needed to vent. I totally understand if you don’t want to read especially if this is a sensitive subject for you. I know a lot of you are young and might not know anything about this. I encourage you to do your own research if you feel ready to broach the topic. It’s not something often discussed in schools and you’ll probably have to find it on your own.)

Evan shifted uncomfortably in their bed. They were used to cramps, bad ones. Anxiety worsened hormones and sent them haywire since Evan had started puberty. Honestly fuck ovaries. Evan wished they had been born with no genitals or sex organs, or maybe both. Being genderfluid was complicated. Evan didn’t care because at the moment bis side was splitting him open and they felt like they were going to die.

Small whimpers left their mouth as they pressed a heating pad on their back. They tried to grip their stomach and felt a painful tenderness. Oh fuck. Evan was the child of a nurse. They knew that that was bad. Cramps didn’t cause pain when pressed on, especially not in the front. Evan needed to call their mom or an ambulance. But ambulances and the emergency room were so expensive. They settled on just calling their mom and seeing where to go from there.

“Hey Siri, call mom,” Siri replied in a cheery voice affirming that it was calling Evan’s mother. Evan reached out a shaky hand and pressed speakerphone. Much to their surprise, they heard a ringing sound from inside the house. The call was declined and soon Heidi was in her child’s room.

Heidi took one look at her baby and knew something was wrong. Eve never complained or showed any pain. Once when she was younger she had broken her wrist and gone almost a full day before anyone noticed. It was only the considerable swelling that tipped off her teacher that something was wrong. When confronted as to why she hadn’t said anything she had shrugged it off and said that she didn’t want to be an inconvenience. Of course, Heidi had explained that Eve could never inconvenience anyone with medical issues.

“What is it hon?” Heidi asked in a hushed voice. She reached out and touched Eve’s side lightly. Evan shifted away and whimpered. Heidi’s eyes widened and she instantly knew that she needed to get Evan to a hospital. She may have just been a nursing home aid but she did know her fair share of medical issues. In an instant, she was helping Evan into the car. They whimpered and Heidi tried her best to support them.

She couldn’t call an ambulance, they couldn’t afford that and who knows what bills they would wrack up once they actually got to the hospital. Luckily there was a nearby Catholic hospital that was generously donated to by local churches and Abbeys. They had a financial aid program and that could soften the blow if they qualified and single mothers usually did.

Thank God for religious gender bias.

To Evan all of passed in a blur. The pain got worse and worse eventually leading to Evan blanking out and disconnecting from reality. When they came to they heard hushed voices discussing something his mind picked up on keywords. Infertile, ovarian disorder, the pain was manageable, no cure. The first word echoed in Evan’s brain. They were infertile. It shouldn’t have affected them, they didn’t want bio kids. Still, it felt a little like something had been taken away. They felt like a child that didn’t want a toy until another kid started to play with it.

They didn’t have time to dwell on it as what was probably morphine coaxed them back into an unconscious state.

When she woke again she saw silhouettes outlined behind the curtain. She could make out Connor, her mother, and Jared. What was Connor doing here? They still weren’t on the best of terms but it felt nice to know he cared.

(Evan reverted back to a more feminine state when she found out she was infertile. Sort of a defense mechanism since she feels like part of her femininity has been taken away from her .)

Eve heard her own voice call out softly. Almost instantly three rushed through the curtain. Heidi was the first through followed by Jared and then Connor slipped through less confidently. It looked like he was trying to hide behind the other two which was almost comical with the height difference.

Heidi put a hand on Eve’s face and looked deep into her eyes, “How are you feeling baby?”

Eve said the first thing that came to her mind, “I’m infertile.” Heidi glanced awkwardly behind her at the two other boys, both had stunned looks on their faces. Jared made a shocked sound that may have been an attempt at ‘what’ and Connor stood frozen. He shifted uncomfortably. He was intruding on an intimate moment and he wanted to leave. He had no right to be here. Jared was Ev’s lifelong friend and Connor had only known the kid for a few days. He had also managed to out Ev in that time period. Still, his feet refused to take him back out of the curtain.

“Yes, you are baby.” Heidi’s voice was soft and gentle. She didn’t know how Eve would react to this information. It was different for everyone. Eve might be indifferent. But eighteen was such a young age to discover something that affected your life so much. This was something Eve shouldn’t have had to deal with until she was at least in her 20s, yet here she was being presented with this information at the start of her adulthood.

“I-” Eve hesitated, considering what she wanted to say, “What happened?”

Heidi explained what the doctor had told her about the ovarian disorder that Eve had. Heidi reassured her daughter that it was manageable. Eve kept a surprisingly straight face the whole time. Heidi felt a swell of pride at how strong her daughter was. In truth, Eve was just at a loss for how to react. She felt indifferent but at the same time, it was distressing. She didn’t want to have more issues. She didn’t want to have to explain to doctor after doctor that she had a preexisting condition that caused cramps to be worse and sometimes dangerous.

She knew how male doctors treated menstrual pain. It was dismissed and scoffed at. Something was disheartening and depressing at the future set out for her. But she tried to force herself not to think about that. Her therapist always said that it was bad to worry about the future, that if she was going to worry it should be about the present. She should turn that worry to action and resolve the thing that was weighing on her mind. So Eve thought of what she could do currently. Really there was nothing. She would start her medication and take it one day at a time.

Sometimes that’s all you can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Ok this is a huge vent because I found out I’m probably infertile. This is an issue not normally covered by literature and never covered from the perspective of someone whose life isn’t totally ruined by it(I’m looking at you HIMYM trying to tell me that Robin “I never want kids” Scherbatsky would care that she couldn’t have them. Women or anyone else with ovaries are no less if they can’t have children and they are not heartless if they don’t care. It’s toxic and sexist to look down on women(or anyone) unable to conceive. Women are not less than a woman if they can’t bear children because they are not to be reduced to their ability to conceive. Men are not less for not being able to impregnate because masculinity is a toxic ideal and it shouldn’t be tied to something biological you can’t control. Sorry, this is so heavy, I just needed to get this off my chest.)


End file.
